31 Jan 2011

I spent a considerable amount of time this past weekend looking at and thinking about new cars. On Saturday I test drove a Honda Accord 270 hp V-6; I had it up to 80 mph on I-66. (The sales guy was Moroccan; it was funny to listen to him complain about Asian drivers.) As with the 1997 Accord we bought my daughter, I can see why Honda sells so many - this is a car that gets everything right. I am now convinced that this is the car for us - with sat nav and all the bells and whistles. But it is given to Cari to decide, she has to be comfortable driving in it. This afternoon we're going to drive into Woodbridge to test drive and Accord and its competitor, the Hyundai Sonata, as well as the SUVs Hyundai manufactures.

I went to the D.C. Auto Show on Saturday with the Five Families dads; it was a lot of fun. I haven't been to a car show since 1979. I spent a lot of time moving my hand across clean, shiny painted metal surfaces - nice. I was most impressed with the Buick Lacrosse (Cari refuses to look at one for various reasons, not the least of which is the association of the word "Buick" with fat, Midwestern bingo players of a previous generation or two), and, oddly enough, the new Fiat 500. (Interior shown above. It looks like a smartly dressed woman would have to have to wear a pair of white leather gloves while driving one, doesn't it?) I would never buy one - it is well known that Fiat stands for "Fix it again, Tony" - but I will grant that the stylists have managed to design a car that looks utterly unlike the usual Japanese or Japanese inspired econobox. It looks chic in a way only the Europeans can pull off. Only time will tell if it can get down the street without a major engine overhaul.

I was also totally unimpressed with a new thing the luxury manufacturers (Lexus, Infiniti) are doing: covering the engines with large castings of plastic in an apparent attempt to organize and clean up what's under the hood. No, no, no. When I look under the hood I want to see an engine block, an alternator, easy access to the battery and fuses, oil dipstick, etc. I don't want to look at a styled sheet of plastic with a Lexus logo.

Let's see, what else? Mercedes-Benz had a used car on the floor. Used? At an auto show? How weird! Their new Gullwing is a beautiful car, but I have to wonder about the one they were showing, in a matte silver finish, which is apparently the aluminum finish. It looked like cheap plastic. Bleah.

I thought the Ford Raptor SVT looked utterly ridiculous, like it was designed by a consortium of comic book readers, or a bunch of wannabes in a gym. The worst name, however, was a Jeep: the Nitro Detonator. We got a kick out of that. I'm guessing that perhaps the special edition of this model will be called the Nitro Detonator iPectoral Benchpress Magnum.

Saab didn't include the prices on their cars on display, which I thought was cowardly. Speaking of car prices, I mentioned to the others that I was only interested in cars with prices which began with a "2" or possibly a "3." I saw a lot that began with "6," "7" and "8." Jaguar, however, had one that began with a "1..."

The new, restyled Volkswagen Beetle hasn't been unveiled yet. And I was hoping to see an Alfa-Romeo 18C Competizione or a Bugatti Veyron, but didn't.

Me and one of the equally tall Five Fathers dads crammed into a Mini Cooper Countryman; it was funny.

The weekend noirs were as follows:

Loophole (1954): A bank teller is unjustly accused of grand larceny and is hounded by an insurance investigator, played by the gruff-voiced Charles McGraw, who doesn't know when to quit, apparently. It was pretty good and I enjoyed it. But what was the loophole? I have no idea. Sometimes I think they name these films totally at random.

The 13th Letter (1951): An unknown gossip distributes poison pen letters which cause social havoc in a small French-Canadian town. I don't think this film was film noir at all, but somehow it made it into the Silver and Ward film noir encyclopedia, go figure. It was okay.

The Sleeping City (1950): Richard Conte plays an undercover cop at a hospital in New York City. I enjoyed this one, but then Conte is one of my favorite noir actors.

I also spent some time digitizing King Crimson Lps over the weekend; I'm now doing my Judy Collins Lps. But just the ones from her early 1960's folk period. I don't care for her later art and pop songs. I have to admit, however, that sometimes her folk songs get pretty trite. I just listened to one from 1962 where she and Bob Dylan boldly demands to know if arms manufacturers have souls. With music of such power and persuasiveness, can peace be far away?



28 Jan 2011

Busy work week... I'm glad it's coming to an end.

I got the house warmed up again after our snow-related 24 hour power outage. (Don: PEPCO 1 - Dominion Power 0.) As I wrote yesterday, I turned off the gas to the water heater and furnace because I smelled that easily detectable odor. Last night a friend - a Five Families wife - invited us over to her (warm) house for dinner, and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Sometime while we were there the power came back on, but because the gas was off the furnace didn't work. When we got back to the house it was 58 degrees inside.

I built a huge, roaring fire (have you noticed fires always "roar" in the same way that Republicans are always "staunch?") with some firewood given to me by my Civil War pard Chris. Thank Goodness for friends! But it still took hours to get the house interior back up to a normal 69 degrees, which is where it was this morning - crawling into bed last night was a decidedly frosty experience! Regarding electricity, I recall the words of the prophetess Joni Mitchell: "You don't know what you got 'till it's gone."

We visited the local Ford dealership last night to test drive a 2010 Ford Explorer. Cari decided that that was the SUV with the ride and seating position she liked best, and preferred it to the Toyota Highlander and the Honda Pilot. But I'd like to look at a passenger car before we make a final decision. A new Honda Accord (you can get a new Accord for about what you'd pay for a used SUV), a Volkswagen CC and even the Ford Mustang (!) beckon.

I would like to buy a brand new Lexus sedan. One time, when we were talking to our mechanic after our Dodge Caravan had once again been repaired, I asked him which cars he sees fewest, which are the most reliable. He told us Lexus and Infiniti. Problem is, neither Cari nor I can justify a car with a price tag that begins with a "4" or a "5." (Even a "3" is stretching it.) Automobiles just aren't worth that much to us; we'd rather have the money to do other things. Or save, even. I am no longer in my twenties and I get no sense of identity or self-esteem from what I drive, and our emotions are divorced from the buying decision. In fact, buying cars hasn't excited us for decades. Cars, to us, are poor investments and more in the category of necessary evils than prized possessions.

Besides, we're not really into prized possessions, anyway.

Nevertheless, tomorrow I'm going to the D.C. Car Show with the other Five Families husbands, then we will reconnect with our wives in Arlington and have dinner. On Sunday I may even sneak off to a local U.S. Army Band chamber ensemble performance in the afternoon.

Last night a watched a ho-hum film noir, Southside 1-1000 (1950), starring Don DeFore, a sort of moon-faced 1950's guy who is best known to my generation as "Mister B" in the old TV series Hazel. His other claim to fame was that he once ran a barbecue restaurant at Disneyland. I never ate there. It was closed when Aunt Jemima's Kitchen expanded. (Check out the vintage photos with a black woman portraying Aunt Jemima - ha!)

I hated and resented the Aunt Jemima Kitchen. Whenever my parents took me to Disneyland as a little boy, my mother insisted upon our standing in a long line and having pancakes. It used to drive me to distraction. I was a ride-the-rides kind of kid (still am); there I'd sit, looking at the enticing ride and attraction checklist on the back of the ticket book, waiting for Mom and Dad to finish their pancakes so we could get on to what made Disneyland unique. We could have pancakes anywhere at home - why waste valuable ride time at Disneyland doing it?

(It's funny... not too long ago I had an involved dream from material that must have been dredged up from deep within my psyche. Aunt Jemima's Kitchen played a part in it. I woke up feeling very distraught and upset - it was positively weird.)

Anyway, have a great weekend! I have the Pinewood Derby with the Cub Scouts to attend tomorrow at 8:30. Since I don't have a horse in the race, as the saying goes, I'll probably be a race official again, standing at the finish line bellowing out the heat results in a deliberately comic way. (It enlivens the activity.)

Might even make myself some pancakes tomorrow morning before I get there.


27 Jan 2011

This is scary. Compare the number of people on food stamps to the total U.S. population... about 14%. "Could this be true?" I wondered. Sadly, yes. About 1 in 8 Americans are receiving food stamps.

When my mother lived in Martinsburg, WV, she used to receive big blocks of American cheese simply because she was over 65. I don't think she ever applied for it; it was just made available to her somehow. (A truck? I don't recall.) She didn't need it - she had an adequate amount of money for her needs. Anyway, she once gave us one of those blocks of cheese. It was horribly salty and uneatable. I don't think she ever got any more after we tasted it.

No Wal-Mart on the Wilderness Battlefield ground - Hooray!

Five inches of heavy, wet snow fell in the National Capital Region yesterday. I got released from work two hours early, but my wife didn't. I got home quickly, but it took her two hours to travel fifteen miles. Similar tales of woe were told on the local all news radio station, WTOP, throughout the evening.

The snow caused tree branches to fall, which downed power lines all over the area. Our power went out last night at 6:30 PM, just about when Cari arrived. As of 10:45 AM, the power is still off in a wide section of Springfield and Burke, VA, and so a bunch of shopping plazas and business are closed. (Cari called me on a cell phone to tell me this - while driving. I yelled at her.) The house interior temperature was 61 degrees upon waking... but we slept warmly under a comforter.

I smelled natural gas when I got up so I shut off the lines to the furnace and the water heater. It's kind of funny... Cari forced some paperwhite bulbs to bloom (see above) in the bay window of the front room, and the flowers have an odd smell. They don't smell flowery to me, but weirdly synthetic. So this morning the house had the heady aroma of natural gas and paperwhites - a bizarre mixture! (I see that others do not care for the smell of paperwhites. Oh, look: the smell is caused by a compound called indole, which is the same chemical given off by E. coli. How nice.)

Cari watched Bullitt (1968) on her laptop; I pointed out where the same green VW Bug appears no less than four times in the celebrated chase sequence due to poor editing. I read by the light of a kerosene lamp, listened to my iPod and then went downstairs to practice the piano, again, by the light of a flame. It was cool, very 19th century. I felt like Robert Schumann or something. Finally, I decided to walk up the street and through the neighborhood to see what's what. There were downed trees in the road all over the place. In fact, as I was walking I heard a big crack and saw the top of a Virginia pine fall and block a lane about fifty feet behind me. Head's up!

Yesterday, while the power was still on, I saw Calcutta (1947), with Alan Ladd. It was okay. Ladd once again adopts the diminutive (he was 5' 5") He-Man Women Haters persona that won him acclaim in the forties. (I once saw a feature about him in an old Photoplay magazine: "Veronica Lake Wonders, 'Will He Kiss Me - Or Kill Me?'") It's amazing how much female slapping (I won't use the modern term for it) goes on in film noir... and Calcutta had a whack or three. The chief femme fatale whacker in film noir has to be Dan Duryea, however. He was so well known for it that his slapping sprees were featured in marquee art: You're in a tough racket now, sister! He knew how to "handle" women! The curious thing was that women in the 1940's were apparently attracted to this kind of caddish behavior.

I'm guessing Cari wouldn't think much of the practice.


26 Jan 2011

I used to think that Times Square in New York City was the place to be when the clock strikes Midnight on New Year's Eve. No more. Clearly, it's on the Embankment of the Thames in London. Check these out: New Year's 2011, New Year's 2010. Wow. What's really awesome is hearing the New Year begin to the sound of Big Ben - that's very cool. (I also liked the "Mind the Gap" break in the 2011 show.) The first time Cari and I stood on Westminster Bridge and heard Big Ben strike it was simply magical and I smiled broadly. But, of course, being a Californian it reminded me of something in California - in this case the first room in the Peter Pan dark house ride in Disneyland, which simulates London from the air.

I am so stoked to go back there in 38 days! By the way, were you aware that, strictly speaking, "Big Ben" refers to one of the bells in the clock and not the clock itself? A very nice web site that shows the clock mechanism, dial and bells is here. I knew it was regulated by putting pre-decimal (1971) coins on the pendulum because that fact is in a book I bought when I was in the Marines. The Parliament's Big Ben web site is here; it's certainly worth a visit as well. Sadly, there are no "inside the clock" tours available.

While browsing the British House of Lords website yesterday, just for fun, I found this. Nice.

Last night's film noir was Suspense (1946), an ice-skating/film noir hybrid which could have been called Fedoras on Ice. The extended skating sequences were entertaining, if a bit goofy. It starred Belita, an ice-skating film star who had the 1940s look down pat. Was she the model for countless comic book sirens of the era? Possibly. (Cher didn't originate the one name star, by the way. In addition to Belita there was also Valli, who starred in the great The Third Man from 1949.) It also starred perky little Bonita Granville, whom I liked from the late 1930's Nancy Drew series. She was almost unrecognizable as a tough little chippy - a departure from her virginal, girl next door roles. (And I think we need to bring back the term "chippy." It's so much classier than "ho.")

I was in a two hour "skills matrix" meeting the other day. In years past, I used to bring my kids to the office for "Take Your Children to Work Days," and during most of the visits they'd attend a meeting or two. Just about all of them came away wondering exactly what it was I did for a living, and judging by the conversations in this meeting yesterday I can understand why.

Let's imagine that the freedom-loving, newly emerged superpower of Red China - from whom no nation has anything at all to fear - decides to push the button and blows the greater D.C. area in which I live back into the Dark Ages. After the dust settles and it begins to look like the setting from a Mad Max film (minus Tina Turner in a chain mail miniskirt), some hard-charging military type gathers up the local survivors to organize them into teams to restore the lights, power and sanitation. The survivors are standing in a group and the following conversation takes place:

Military type: "All right. You know the mission: restore pre-atomic holocaust civilization back to Northern Virginia. What skills to you people have? Any electricians, welders or plumbers here?"
Person #1: "I used to proactively develop taxonomies to more efficiently leverage IT in development processes."
Person #2: "I coordinated life cycle methodologies and ensured that each phase of a project was aligned with the Federal Enterprise Architecture."
Person #3: "I worked with project management teams to develop the performance measures for various Strategic Information Technology Plans."
Person #4: "I was the ITIL Version 3 Foundation Certification Coordinator."
Person #5: "I used to liaise and coordinate FAC-COR training throughout the organization."
Military type: (Sigh.)

You get the idea. Once upon a time I wanted to be an electrical engineer and, well, engineer things. I did that for a number of years, but in the last five years or so it seems I have gotten into a world of workplace jargon and abstractions from which I cannot seem to release myself. (I haven't gotten the job in the last six interviews I've had.) While there is good money to be made in working with abstractions, there is a paucity of real job satisfaction.

My wife occasionally works writing real world articles about various blue collar electrical jobs for a labor union magazine. I have to admit that while I'm almost certainly much better paid than most of these folks, they, at least, have something tangible to show for their efforts at the end of the day. I wired the security system for this new facility, or I produced the sheet metal fabrications used in that building - something like that. There is definitely something to be said for what used to be called the manual arts.

But relatively few people in the so-called "digital economy" do that any more, and our national manufacturing base is disappearing fast. It troubles me. If the plans for the new Freedom Tower where the World Trade Center once stood in Manhattan included a large, accurate clock, could anyone living in the United States design anything remotely as good as Big Ben?



25 Jan 2011

Cari and I test drove a Honda Pilot last night. It was okay. Solid and nimble, with good acceleration... but no WOW factor. (The Volkswagen Touareg I drove had plenty of it.) Later this week I'll get Cari behind the wheel of a newer Explorer and a Highlander and then we'll decide. But... she is also interested in a Honda Accord, so perhaps we haven't absolutely decided upon an SUV after all. It mainly depends upon what she's comfortable driving.

You may think, "What fun! Buying a new car!" But we don't feel that way at all about it. To us, a replacement vehicle is mostly a financial obligation and a maintenance and repair burden. We've bought plenty of cars in our married life and separately, and most of the fun of the experience went out of it years ago. I'm not twenty anymore - my emotions are no longer engaged in it. And I certainly don't derive any sense of self-esteem or well-being based upon what I drive, so it's just a business decision, really.

Okay, perhaps there is one exception to what I wrote. After twenty years or so of pointing at other people driving ragtops and saying, "They're having more fun than we are," finally buying the convertible Beetle we have was somewhat fun; driving it certainly is. And it'll be even more fun later this year, when its paid off and we completely own it!

(Full disclosure: It looks like I'll be going to the D.C. Auto Show with the Five Families Dads this Saturday. I haven't been to one of these since I was 22.)

I saw two films noir recently:

The Night Runner (1957) - A yawner. It was like Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960), but without the suspense, mysterious plot, trick ending, Bernard Herrmann string score, good screen writing, spot-on direction, exquisite cinematography, budget or fine casting.

Red Light (1949) - I normally don't care for George Raft films because I think the man couldn't act his way out of a paper sack, but this one was intriguing and he was good in it. It was perhaps his best performance ever. It was an oddball film in that it mixed a film noir plot and style (revenge for the murder of a beloved brother) with a strong religious message - I've never seen that before! Also, Raymond Burr (shown above) was the baddie, and this may have been one of his best films as well. A real surprise which I quite enjoyed.

In real life Raymond Burr was something of an enigma. It appears that throughout his career he developed an elaborate personal history to mask his homosexuality; today we'd also accuse him of "stolen valor," as he claimed to have been wounded in the stomach at Okinawa while serving in the U.S. Navy. But there are no records of his having served in any branch of the armed forces. So he's a liar. But that's what successful actors do...

Added an interesting 1981 Johnny Carson/Beautiful Downtown Burbank poster image to Burbankia.

It occurs to me that the desire not to incriminate oneself is to be found deep within the human spirit. When my son Ethan was only three or so, I once took him to task for some minor misbehavior he committed, and demanded to know why he did it. He kept silent. I then pressed the point, and he finally said, "I’m not talking," invoking a little boy version of taking the fifth. Don't know why I'm recalling that now

I'm almost finished with Timeline by Michael Crichton - it's disappointing. I like the quantum mechanical "time travel" framing plot (they're really not travelling in time - they're getting transported to a parallel universe that happens to exist in its Middle Ages), but the story is written like it's meant to be the basis for an action film.

And a not very good action film at that.


24 Jan 2011

As usual, the weekend was too short!

I watched some of my Mike Keaney lent noirs, of course:

Abandoned (1949): An only okay film about a baby adoption racket. I think they should have given the title more zing and named it something like, "Slave Babies of Film Noir," but what do I know? It had the hulking presence of noir thug Mike Mazurki in it, so it couldn't be all bad. Mazurki always put the "goon" in "goon squad." One time, on a film noir discussion board, the question came up, "What film noir star do you most resemble?" My answer was William Bendix and/or Mike Mazurki. Some people shot back, "Really?" Ha.

Between Midnight and Dawn (1950): Cool title. An early example of a buddy film, this one starred Edmond O'Brien and Mark Stevens as two former Marines turned cop. They both pursue Gale Storm and a racketeer. It was acceptable, but nothing really special.

Fall Guy (1947): A Monogram Pictures cheapie; it is said that Monogram put the "poverty" in Poverty Row. (Poverty Row was a name for some low budget studios working out of Hollywood.) It was based on a Cornel Woolrich novel, so of course somebody has a lapse of memory. The acting was frequently bad, or perhaps it was the fault of the script. Some lines were read so woodenly I wanted to spray Lemon Pledge on them.

The Burglar (1957): An ambitiously artsy late period noir which featured a psychologically tortured Dan Duryea, 1950's sex bomb (I love that phrase) Jayne Mansfield as a waif and an appropriately fatal conclusion. One chase scene took place in a fun house - I love when they do that - where a voice intoned, "We.... the dead... greet you." I had that stuck in my head.

Jayne Mansfield was an interesting character. Two numerical facts about her are that she reportedly had an IQ of 163 and an hourglass figure of 40D-17-36. I thought she was great in The Girl Can't Help It (1956)... Everyone knows that she was decapitated in a 1967 auto accident, but she wasn't. From her bio on IMDb: "En route to New Orleans for a talk show appearance, Jayne and then companion Sam Brody, driver Ronnie Harrison, and 3 of her children slammed into the back of a tractor trailer truck early in the morning of June 29, 1967. The children, asleep in the backseat of the car, survived while all three passengers up front, Jayne, Sam, and driver Ronnie were instantly killed. The impact of the crash so was severe that Jayne was virtually scalped. A picture of the accident site falsely created a rumor that Jayne had been decapitated when what appeared to be her head was laying on the dash. In fact, what was on the dash was one of many blonde wigs that Jayne had been wearing at that time."

I also shopped for a car on Saturday and Sunday, as things on our 2002 165K miles Dodge minivan are breaking faster than I can fix them. Besides, we're thoroughly sick of minivans. I looked at a Toyota Highlander, a Honda Pilot, a Ford Explorer, a Jeep Liberty, a Volkswagen Toureg and Tiguan and, just for kicks, test drove the CC sports sedan. (Shown above. It was either that or Jayne Mansfield today.) I really like the sedan... it has a turbocharged two liter four which puts out 200 horsepower. But we're in the market for a SUV because Cari likes the upright, higher seating position; she can see around better.

So I spent the weekend deflating the hopes and expectations of car salesmen and their sales managers. At age 54, buying new cars isn't as fun as it used to be. When I was 20 it was exciting and emotional. But now I know cars for the money draining pain in the butts that they really are. It's a whole lot more fun buying CDs and books at yard sales....


22 Jan 2011

I watched about fifty minutes of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night for the first time since 1992; Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb were the guests. It was... okay. But I miss Johnny, Ed and Doc Severinsen's big jazz ensemble as well as that old Hollywood pizazz. You know, when the likes of Bob Hope, John Wayne or Frank Sinatra would amble onto the set. To paraphrase Nora Desmond, "I am big. It's the pictures that got small."

Last night I also watched an absolute first rate film noir, New York Confidential (1955), starring some of my favorite noir stalwarts: Richard Conte, Broderick Crawford and Mike Mazurki. I suppose there was probably a prototypical syndicate film before this one, but this is an early one where all of the formulas and elements used in later and more celebrated works like Goodfellas, The Godfather and the Sopranos are present. If you like Mafia films this is an early one you'd need to see.

You know the brief scene in the first Godfather film, where somebody snaps a photo of Don Barzini (Richard Conte) attending the Corleone wedding - where he makes a displeased face and has a henchman destroy the roll of film? To fully appreciate that little bit of business you had to have seen the 1950's Conte films like this one. Richard Conte was the smoothest of the film noir gangsters, always elegant, always poised, always fun to watch. And there is simply nobody in Hollywood today who is anything like Broderick Crawford; I wonder if his type - hulking, determined, loud, solid and old school - is even to be found in society anymore.

In the Godfather films Talia Shire plays the gangster's daughter; that's a character present in New York Confidential as well, here played by Anne Bancroft in high style: her Daddy can get her anything, except respectability, and she resents it. All that, plus... Celia Lovsky (Star Trek's T'Pau) as the Cappo's mother. Great film... a perceptive extended review is here.

What am I doing blogging first thing in the morning on a Saturday? Last night we dined out with some friends and the rich sauce on the meat (probably made with wine) is causing my digestive system to mildly express its incompatibility. A good meal with good friends, though.

I'm also digitizing some Lps. Just got done with the 1972 Mott the Hoople classic All the Young Dudes.


21 Jan 2011

If I owned a Quantum Time Adjustment Tool (QTAT), I would have advanced it to fast forward through this week at about 2.5X normal. This class is killing me. But it's almost done.

Such a tool would have to be used judiciously, of course, or one might find that one has wished one's life away. For symmetry perhaps there would have to be a requirement that for every period of time fast forwarded through, one would have to slow down an equal rate for an equal amount of time somewhere else. (Like when I'm in London with my son.)

I am now reading a book recommended to me by my friend Bob at work (as opposed to my friend Bob whom I don't know from work). WorkBob told me that Michael Crichton's Timeline was a good story about time travel via quantum mechanics... I have just started it and so far it's very intriguing. Michael Crichton wrote my all-time favorite essay about Global Warming (aka Climate Change), "Aliens Cause Global Warming," which he gave at CalTech almost exactly eight years ago.

Yesterday I wrote about Marcella and Johnny. I can't stop thinking about them, that movie I saw the other night, and that visit. It wasn't just a case of visiting a couple of my mother's friends from work, it was more a case of dropping into an entirely different lifestyle. Slumming.

I had only one other experience like that, at a run down down "Hotel for Men" in a crappy area of Burbank. (This may have been the Savoy Hotel.) The neon sign that proclaimed this could be seen from the Golden State Freeway, as I recall... I once had an occasion to go into the lobby. The room looked like it was primarily occupied by bums and tramps, and smelled like, well, like nothing I can describe adequately. Old wood and sweat? There was a newsstand just outside that had an amazing collection of porn and horse racing papers, and a tobacco counter. Older men were lounging around watching TV and reading papers.

Now that I think about it, I'm making a mental connection with a bit of realistic art I have once seen at the Smithsonian Museum of American Art in D.C., "Sollie 17," an unforgettable work about growing old and alone in America. (I blogged about this in greater detail a year ago.)

I watched an Alan Ladd film noir last night - Chicago Deadline (1949) - that is easily described: Talky and boring. Too many flashbacks. Forgettable.

I may be one of the few people in the country on the lookout for Johnny Carson interstitials. What's a Johnny Carson interstitial? It's one of those "More to come" or "We'll be back" cards that was shown leading into a commercial, almost always accompanied by the NBC band playing some tune. Why am I looking for these? I have no idea. But they played a familiar role in my growing up. As attuned to design as I am, I used to note them: "Oh, there's the one where Johnny's head is attached to a cannon ball being shot into the sky," etc. I can even remember the little tunes that played with these. I'd like to see them again.

So, with that in mind I put a Johnny Carson DVD on my Netflix queue which was described as having "art" as one of the features. Nope. What a disappointment. It does, however, have the May 1992 last performance show with Robin Williams and Bette Midler. The Williams material I fast forwarded through (I find his hyperactive sense of humor annoying); Bette Midler's segment, however, had style, class and heart - she was great on that last show. What's really neat is that the last time I was in Burbank my pal Mike and I took the NBC tour, and stood on the stage where Carson had that very show (and many others). I haven't watched The Tonight Show since Carson left it in 1992.

The weekend! Cari has to work; I may go see the "Elvis at 21" exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery anyway, despite the fact that neither she nor our Elvis-loving friend can make it. Or I may stay home and clean up the rapidly growing puddle of oil, coolant and automatic transmission fluid building on the garage floor under my 2002 White Trash Dodge Caravan. That thing is not long for this world, and I resent every dime I have to put into it. 165,000 miles. We are SO out of the minivan stage in our lives...

Have a great weekend!


20 Jan 2011

The new year is young but I am gratified to get a number of e-mails (I call them "letters" for some reason) from readers of my Avocado Memories site. Every writer, amateur and professional, likes to know people are reading his stuff, and I am no exception.

One fellow made the sensible suggestion that I post a layout of the house in which I grew up, which I have done. Basically, I grew up in a modest, pre-war stucco-covered San Fernando Valley box. The floor plan of the house shows that it wasn't at all a big home by today's standards - at most, about 1,300 square feet of living space, if one counts a screened in patio and a separate workshop in the back yard. Another reader pointed out that in order to reach the recreational room we called "the den," one had to tramp through a bedroom. Weird.

1631 North Lincoln Street in Burbank wasn't precisely Abe Lincoln's boyhood log cabin, but it certainly isn't as nice and as large as the place I now inhabit in Northern Virginia. The funny thing is, however, growing up I always imagined that I would proudly inherit the house and make my own changes to it - stamp my own personality onto it, as it were. I distinctly recall walking home from high school one day through a residential section of town and daydreaming about owning a home that was worth as much as $100,000! Lofty dreams, indeed.

Another e-mail came from a fellow sufferer in Wilda Johnson's miserable class at Monterey Avenue Elementary School; he called her the "Wildabeast." Ha! That made me laugh... I wish I had thought of it.

Another reader echoed my enthusiasm for a volume of 365 Bedtime Stories I once had. (I originally mentioned it in this article, in conjunction with the tumbleweeds which used to blow through town. I miss seeing tumbleweeds roll down the street...) I have a copy of that book which I found on e-Bay; I'm saving it to read to my grandchildren.

A few nights ago I watched The Daddy of Rock and Roll, a home-made documentary about Wesley Willis, the schizophrenic rock and roll singer from Chicago (I think, the streets of Chicago). The wikipedia article says, "Willis appears unkempt, morbidly obese and mentally unstable." Well, yes. Willis is described here.

But reading about Willis doesn't give you the whole Wesley Willis Experience; for that, you must go to youtube and listen to a few of his songs. One or two songs will give you a good idea of his total output - they don't vary much. Perhaps he's best known for "I Whupped Batman's Ass." (Explicit lyrics warning; Willis swears a lot, but comically.) As always with youtube, the comments are funny. One fellow wrote, "Chris Nolan should include this in the next Batman film. Like a homeless guy on the street with a boombox. Bruce Wayne walks by, and gives him a few bucks." Oh, why not? I included Willis' song "Merry Christmas" on one of my annual Quithmuth CDs I gave friends. Mentally unstable Willis may be, but he gets the basics right: "Christmas is the birthday of Jesus Christ/It's what the holiday is all about."

Finally, I watched a curious film noir last night, Guilty Bystander (1950), a low budget film with an overly complicated plot. The print I saw was very poor. It wasn't a very good film - and yet... and yet... it had a quality. The protagonist was a bottom of the barrel alcoholic ex-cop living in the most squalid of hotels, run by a hardened old broad named Smitty. The guy couldn't resist the bottle - a real loser in a milieu of losers amid tawdry surroundings. I have never seen a film that achieved the same miserable level as this one. The lone IMDb reviewer has it exactly right: "...with better acting than you have any right to expect (plus an unrelentingly depressing milieu), Guilty Bystander is more than a curio; it's as if the cast knew what a lousy movie they signed up for and decided to go for broke anyway."

Watching it, it brought back the oddest memory to me. One night in early 1967 (I know this because I associated this visit with a specific comic book I had which I can date), my Mom and I drove to near where she worked as a waitress at a coffee shop on Hollywood and Western in Hollywood. Across the street, in an especially dark and dumpy apartment, there dwelt a seedy older couple named Marcella and Johnny, sometime customers of my Mom's. I don't know if they were married or living together, but they were a couple. They also had drinking problems; Marcella talked with slurred speech. They made quite an impression on me. They presented me with a little gift collection of men's colognes in small bottles - what a thing to give an eleven year-old! I don't know what the occasion was, but I have sometimes wondered whatever happened to them. Died of alcohol-related causes, I had supposed...


19 Jan 2011

The week draaaagggggs on...

In class we were handed a June 2010 memo by a former director of my favorite government entity, the Office of Management and Budget (OMB). Peter R. Orszag had this deathless prose:

"Place-Based Policies - The place-based policy objective for the FY 2012 Budget is to build on the interagency work that has been done last year and advance the Administration's policy priorities in the most effective ways, whether by improving place-based strategies already operating or by adopting such strategies where there is significant potential for impact on a problem. The Administration's priority is to continue to broadly apply place policy principles to Federal programs, with a particular focus for the FY 2012 Budget to strengthen target areas' economic competitiveness and achieve greater cost effectiveness in proposed and existing policies and programs."

Got all that?

But this colossal paragraph of governmentese is followed by a paragraph that I find just plain weird:

"Women and Girls - Last November, OMB issued a Budget Data Request (BDR) on behalf of the White House Council on Women and Girls (CWG) calling for information on programs that specifically target or disproportionately serve women and girls. An update to this BDR will be issued early this summer and will serve as a baseline for discussions with OMB over the summer months about funding levels for related programs during the regular cycle this fall. As part of their FY 2012 Budget submissions, agencies should highlight the programs or practices that they consider most promising to move forward the objectives of the CWG."

So. Boys in school are currently statistically less likely than girls to graduate from high school, enroll in college or graduate from college, and get lower grades than do females. (In addition to other school problems.) The current economic downturn has disproportionately affected males more than females. So we need a White House task force on women and girls to do... what? Empower women!

Bear in mind that this whole memo starts with a whopper: "The President has asked that we continue on our path toward freezing non-security discretionary spending for three years, cutting the deficit in half by the end of his first term..." Yeah, that'll happen.

Your tax dollars at work.

Last night I watched Baby Face Nelson, a 1957 film noir that was less than the sum of its parts. Starring Mickey Rooney (who can act and is at the very least interesting on his worst days), it boasted an impressive cast of noir stalwarts: Emile Meyer, Ted DeCorsia, Jack Elam, Anthony Caruso, Elisha Cook, Jr., and Carolyn Jones. Directed by Don Siegel, who made the classic 1958 noir The Lineup and knew a thing or two about crime films, it even had British great Cedric Hardwick in it, feeling up Carolyn Jones. And yet... it wasn't very good.

If only Baby Face Nelson had had a White House task force dedicated to him...


18 Jan 2011

Last night I watched one of the most ludicrous films noir I have ever seen: The Beat Generation (1959), with noir stalwart Steve Cochran, Mamie Van Doren (shown at left) and an over-the-top beatnik played by "Grabowski" (I used to do reenactments with a friend of that name).

Also on hand to add to the total cheeseball factor was Dick Contino, the "world's greatest accordion player" who had the loathsome "Lady of Spain" as his signature piece. Weirdly, Louis Armstrong was also in it. But wait! That's not all. Maila "Vampira" Nurmi, she of the incredibly wasp-waisted figure, was in it as a beatnik extra and did a poetry reading. Whew, what a cast. And I wonder if real beatniks were as ridiculous as they're portrayed here...

The plot of the film was shocking for its time: a cop's wife is raped and becomes pregnant. Is the baby the cop's or the rapist's? There's no Maury Povich with DNA testing, so it's not clear.

I also watched a good old school conventional noir of the shamus (private eye) sub-genre: The Brasher Doubloon (1947), penned by Raymond Chandler. George Montgomery played Philip Marlowe. I've been waiting about a decade to see that one.

It was a pretty quiet three day weekend... we didn't do much or went anywhere. We were kinda sorta planning to see Tron, but the only showing was the 3D high definition one, and we agreed that it probably wasn't worth $12.50 each.

The Five Families party was fun - we saw the Patriots get creamed. (Two of the FF fathers are from the northeast, hence the party.)

I made the airline reservations for the trip to London. Think we're not overtaxed? The fares were about $230 - but taxes and other fees were an extra $186 each. Geez.

That's it for today. I have training all this week at work - a class from 8:30 AM to 5 PM. I don't know how I'm going to make it. The older I get, the less inclined I am to sit in place all day and listen to somebody talk at me. It's gonna be a LONG week.



17 Jan 2011

Sorry if you're at work reading this; I have the day off.

The big news is, I'M GOING BACK TO LONDON IN MARCH! A flat in Kensington has again been made available to me via two friends, and I'll be there for a week. For various reasons I'm taking my son Ethan this time. I was there in 2008 and 2009 and had a blast. I am so stoked for this... I make the travel arrangements today.

I set up the new UHF HDTV antenna in my attic; it seems to be working just fine. A channel (the local NBC affiliate) where I'd get a 75% signal with drop outs at the 20% mark is now a strong 97% with no drop outs. Hooray! I also wired the attic for a couple of switched light sockets, so all I have to do when I poke my head through the trap door is to flip a switch, instead of dragging an automotive work light up there. It's nice to see if there's any structural damage, where the roof is rotting (there's a plywood panel I'm watching), bird's nests, where water is coming in, etc...

My friend and fellow noirhead Michael lent me a bunch of noirs that I haven't seen; the last 37 or so from the Silver and Ursini film noir encyclopedia. After this I'll only have three left to see before I can say I've seen every film in the whole encyclopedia!

I watched one of the rarely broadcast ones last night; I've been looking for it for more than a decade: Night has a Thousand Eyes (1947), starring Edward G. Robinson. It's based on a story by the always interesting pulp writer Cornell Woolrich. This one is perhaps his most fatalistic tale, and involves Robinson as a psychic who sees an odd series of life-threatening occurrences for a young woman. I quite enjoyed it - an entertaining film.


14 Jan 2011

Cari and I shopped in a grocery store the other night that sells sherbert.

I had to laugh. I read a news article that describes Peter Fonda finding a dead body in Hollywood and one reader commented, "Oh, please let it be Jane." Ha ha ha!

I learned that Pennsylvania 6-5000 (the name of a famous swing era tune) is still the phone number of the Hotel Pennsylvania in NYC. Nowadays it's given as (212)736-5000.

I mentioned that I'm currently reading Let's Bring Back - An Encyclopedia of Forgotten-Yet-Delightful, Chic, Useful, Curious and Otherwise Commendable Things From Times Gone By by Lesley M. M. Blume. It's a book I'm sympathetic with because I feel there are a lot of things from the past that are better than their counterparts from today. Take the United States Air Force insignia, for instance. Not that there's anything exactly wrong with the new one. I'm sure it was developed with great expense by people who are adept with computer imaging software. It just looks kind of... well, like it's a part of a video game. The old one is bold and no nonsense and has connotations of rakish, daring men climbing into propeller-driver aircraft to shoot down Jap-a-Nazi Rats. (I found that in a WWII era Captain America comic.)

Or take Mister ZIP the Zip Code guy whom I remember fondly from the 1960's. He was cool, had a definite post modern chic and worked for a whole lot less than the actor currently serving as the spokesman for the Postal Service. Once again - not that there's anything wrong with him. In fact, I'm more than a little amazed that he's a white male of apparently Anglo-Saxon background. I thought Madison Avenue has more or less officially refused to acknowledge our existence.

Unless, of course, it's one of those inevitable ads wherein the clever female is giving the idiot male his comeuppance about some product or another. Those annoy me to no end, especially when the product is computer software. Yeah, right - what universe do these ad people inhabit? They probably also call sherbet, sherbert.

Ford had the right idea back in the Eighties, when they brought back their classic Spencerian script logo in an oval. Their 1959 stylized coat of arms wasn't bad, but on an automobile it could give an impression of false upper-class. The oval is more suitably industrial.

And how about the Batmobile? I think they got it exactly right in 1944-1950-1958. That bat face in the front and that gigantic fin in the back is iconic. The newer ones are apparently nods to fanboyz... and don't get me started on the Tumbler. I hate that thing. That's not Batman's vehicle, that's some wannabe CIA operative's losermobile. (By the way, here's a funny article about the Batmobile.)

Speaking of Jap-a-Nazi Rats I ran an article from a reenacting friend that compared famous families in the Civil War and their descendants in World War II. He found an image of Helen Dortch Longstreet, General Longstreet's second wife, who contributed to the WWII war effort. In 1943 at the age of 80 she worked at Bell Aircraft as a riveter! Cool image, no?

Three day weekend! My HDTV UHF antenna arrived in the mail (Winegard - made in the USA), and so I'll be mucking around in the attic installing that and taking down the cheap VHF antenna we had in place. The main goal of this effort is to improve the reception of NBC in the mornings, so Cari can watch the Today Show. As much as I dislike the bubbleheads on that show, it annoys my engineer's soul to see the digital signal going in and out. Besides, we need to have good reception on NBC in time for the next big snow day, when the local newsies run that 1985 footage of the car tire spinning on the ice and Pat Collins pokes the snow on the sidewalk with his stick and comments in a dramatic tone of voice reserved only for the greatest of tragedies. A better antenna should help a lot. I'd like to be able to get that thing on the roof - you lose signal with an attic installation - but with my roof pitch, that's not going to happen. So if this doesn't work I may need to install an amp.

Have a great weekend!



13 Jan 2011

Thursday the Thirteenth is not as fearsome as Friday the Thirteenth.

I was knocking around on e-Bay the other day and did a search on "Rimsky-Korsakov" and came up with this, the Ernest Ansermet London recording of R-K's "Christmas Eve" suite. I have it, by the way; the one on the left. I could swear the Burbank library had the one on the right, the "sexy" one. I was surprised when I saw it.

Record collecting is fun... there's all sorts of insider lore about certain albums. I have a book entitled Vinyl Vixens which is a collection of vintage Lp covers showing how images of scantily-clad women used to be employed to sell records. Who knew this also applied to the classical music world?

I watched a lame film last night, Cube (1997). I selected it because the premise was interesting: some people awaken to find themselves in a cube, with doors leading to other more or less identical cubes. However, nasty booby traps await them in certain cubes. (One guy at the beginning is neatly sliced into cubes himself and falls apart chunk by chunk, and another guy gets acid sprayed onto his face.) Who built it and why? You never find out.

It's a bad rehash of a notable episode of the Avengers entitled "The House That Jack Built," wherein Mrs. Peel has to reason her way out of a series of oddly-decorated and perplexing identical rooms. In fact, both works feature a crazy person trapped in the rooms/cube and the same puzzle solution (which I won't give away). But whereas the Avengers episode was clever and visually interesting, Cube was poorly acted with unlikely dialogue, a ridiculous villain and no payoff at the end. You can tell the production isn't American (it's Canadian), because no American producer would cast a black man as a violent bad guy. Unless, of course, he's doing an adaptation of Othello.

Cube is ultimately derived from a famous Twilight Zone episode - "Five Characters in Search of an Exit" - wherein an Army major, a clown, a hobo, a ballet dancer and a bagpiper find themselves in a giant cylinder with no memory of who they are or how they got there. As always, the Zone introduced the idea first...

I see there's a Cube sequel. I won't bother.

Could it be that I have never before blogged about Diana Rigg as Emma Peel in the Avengers? Like the rest of the adolescent boys in the country c. 1967, I was mad about her. The show was broadcast on Friday nights and I watched it regularly. The producers came up with the character's name as a play on words: m-appeal, male appeal. They were absolutely right! But then, I liked everything about the show: its chic visual style, its Britishness, the theme music, the tongue-in-cheek manner and, especially, Diana Rigg in leather jumpsuits. And Mrs. Peel as the Queen of Sin in "A Touch of Brimstone" - MERCY.

If I told you that doctors want to stimulate vagus nerves, would you know why? Clue: Pete Townshend of the Who would be interested.


12 Jan 2011

Yesterday I mentioned a short article I wrote for a lady in Burbank, Three Short Verdugos Stories. As I thought about it I recalled other things I did in the hills - namely, the 906th and 907th Anniversary of the Battle of Hastings Commemorative Hikes in 1972 and 1973 - and so I included mention of those and retitled the piece Verdugo Hills Stories. I also augmented it with pictures and linked it to my Avocado Memories site. Here it is.

A fellow sent me a Facebook message yesterday, telling me that he spent two hours looking at all of wesclark.com. He's only seen a part of it, I'm sure - or he's a speed reader. Or doing a light skim. I'm proud of the fact that I've been continuing to develop the various sites within wesclark.com for the past fifteen years. In terms of the World Wide Web, that's a long time. There's a ton of content there.

I quit reading that thick David Hackworth book I was reading - About Face - at about page 89. What makes for a superlative soldier does not necessarily make for a good writer. I was getting bored with what I saw as self-promotion with the two-fisted Korean war stories. Too much bombast and bluster, and I wasn't looking forward to reading 800+ more pages of same.

So, last night, during a power outage, I began reading my latest book, Let's Bring Back - An Encyclopedia of Forgotten-Yet-Delightful, Chic, Useful, Curious and Otherwise Commendable Things From Times Gone By by Lesley M. M. Blume. What's more, I read it in the most appropriate possible way: by the light of a kerosene lamp. My wife got it in a Five Families white elephant exchange (every now and then you do get nice things at these, but it doesn't happen often).

We're simpatico with this book because Cari and I are dedicated traditionalists and, yes, also politically conservative. We still have a hard-wired phone, and probably always will. We have acquaintances as well as friends. Somebody sending us something with "R.S.V.P." marked on it galvanizes us into action. Our dining room is used for dining, and Cari often uses her fine china, crystal and silverware for dinners. (Afterwards I help hand wash the dishes.) Our garage is for cars only - storage goes elsewhere. Cari sends thank you notes frequently and bakes from scratch. (Grief-stricken, I might consider having that inscribed upon her tombstone, should she predecease me: "She Baked From Scratch.") She subscribes to Traditional Home. We go to church every Sunday, and are sometimes scandalized by the behavior of our fellow parishioners. We prefer wooden floors with rugs to carpets, and, perhaps most remarkably of all (according to one reader), we do not have a television in our living room! It goes in the basement! And it has a squarish cathode ray tube; we have no plans to ditch it anytime soon.

Are we snobs? Do these seem like upper-class affectations? Perhaps, but these things are really preferences rather than socioeconomic statements. And consider that if the foregoing seems a bit peculiar to you, it's actually how the majority of Americans lived their lives only a few short decades ago.

Actually, it's simply how we choose to run our household, and we have always put a lot of effort into that. Watches with dead batteries are fixed. Stuff we no longer have a need for is removed. Pictures on the wall are hung correctly and at the right height - and we do have an adequate number of pictures on the wall. (Many homes are deficient in this regard, I notice.) The family scrapbooks are kept current. We vacuum and dust. Nothing winds up in our home because it's the default - it's chosen. There are rewards to this kind of diligence. There are times I sit in my chair in the corner of the living room, enjoy the quiet, look around at the colors and the decor in the room and the enjoining rooms and feel... well... serene. I'm at home, and we have chosen and crafted our environment. Feathered our nest. Why on earth should I want to stray?

Well. Sorry for all of that; I didn't intend to become a poor man's Martha Stewart but I was on a literary roll.

It's funny. Last night Cari and I were discussing the Topanga Plaza in the San Fernando Valley, which used to be The Place to shop in the 1970's, and she recalled that it was there in 1979 that she got the revelation that I was the one she was to marry. What triggered this? We had earlier discussed what colors we would adopt in our home (hunter green and cream) and she saw some towels in a store in those very colors! I guess to her it was like a visual affirmation. But I'm not at all surprised that it was towels... it was a suggestion that our household would be important to us, as we're both homebodies.

I'm glad I bribed the store manager to hang those up before I walked Cari by there.

:)



11 Jan 2011 (1/11/11)

A lady with the Burbank Parks and Recreation Department sent my friend Mike an e-mail the other day: Do we have any stories about the Verdugos (some hills just northeast of town) for a booklet they're putting together for the Burbank Centennial? I had three, which I sensibly entitled Three Short Verdugos Stories. Executive Summary: A VW Beetle and a Cadillac Eldorado are not ideal mountaineering vehicles.

Actually, I have one more Verdugos story, about when I was sixteen and hiked up a path to the peak through a daunting bank of brown smog which left me gasping for air. The occasion was my commemorative 906th Anniversary of the Battle of Hastings Hike, but that's just too weird to relate.

Hang on... since when has that ever stopped me? Perhaps I need to pad this article some more...

Last week I mentioned that provocative and shadowy genre within a genre, Bowling Noir. (What? You weren't aware of all the bowling references in film noir? Hmf. What film school did you attend?) When I mentioned it, my author friend Mike Keaney chimed in with some bowling noir text of his own, which I formatted into HTML and included as an article on my Web Noir page. Here it is.

The Netflix Follies: Over the weekend I received a highly anticipated DVD in the mail, Janos Szasz's Woyzeck (1994), set in present day Hungary. (The source material is an early 19th C. play by Georg Buchner that was been made into an opera by Alban Berg in the 1920's, Wozzeck, as well as a 1979 film by Werner Herzog. I discovered the opera when I was a teen; its noisy atonal expressionism made a big impression on me - it remains a favorite. The Herzog production, not so much.) The problem with the DVD? It's in Hungarian, with no provisions for English subtitles or dubbing. Bummer. Good thing I knew the story.

The Netflix software, knowing I had an interest in history and especially English history, recommended an independent film entitled Severed Ways: The Norse Discovery of America (2007). The storyline seemed promising, Vikings vs. Skraelings (Indians) in 1007 A.D. It only merited two stars in reviews, but I didn't bother with that and started the streaming software. Worst. Viking. Film. Ever. I could get past the anachronistic dialogue ("This fish is killer!") and even the synthesized head-banging score (at one point a Viking stands on a stump and nods his head in time to the music). What I couldn't get past was a WAY too graphic depiction of a Norseman defecating in the woods. It was something of a lamentable first in cinema, perhaps. (Later on, there's a scene of an Indian woman raping a drugged Viking.) I repeat: Worst. Viking. Film. Ever. Next time I'm reading the member reviews on low-rated movies...

I am now watching a better production, Stranded - I've Come From a Plane that Crashed on the Mountains (2007). It's a documentary retelling of the story of the Uruguayan rugby team who crashed in the Andes in 1972 and only survived by eating one another. (If you see a "Rugby Players Eat Their Dead" bumper sticker, this is what it refers to. Do I have a web site up somewhere about this? Indeed I do.) The story, related by survivors, is quite gripping - assuming you can get past the cannibalism, of course.

One of the celebrated survivors is a fellow named Nando Perrado. In passing I shall mention that I have a Nando Perrado Number of 2. A rugby friend of mine once did an interview with him and shook his hand, and I shook my friend's hand.


10 Jan 2011

Dick Winters, indisputably an American hero (although he claimed differently), died over the weekend. Rest in Peace.

I shall not comment on the tragic shooting in Arizona other than to say that I heard a ridiculous commentator from Politico do a radio interview, hyperventilating on how this changes everything on Capitol Hill and how Obama needs to settle both parties down and tone down the rhetoric, etc. The only thing I observe in need of a long sit down and some deep breaths are the reporters and news editors.

I watched and started to watch a number of movies over the weekend:

Exit Though the Gift Shop (2010): I'm not sure how the title applies to, say, the It's a Small World attraction at Disneyland (which indeed exits through a gift shop), but this was about an enterprising Frenchman, Thierry Guetta, who compulsively videotaped friends, family and, most significantly, people painting graffiti in public places (so called "street artists," although I take issue with this type of "art"). The film ends with his triumphal art show in Los Angeles. The surprisingly thing to me was the reactionary and judgmental attitude by his graffiti-painting friends Banksy (a famous anonymous street artist) and Shephard Fairey (that guy who did the Obama "Hope" poster). The path from street revolutionary to artistic Establishment seems very short. I was wondering, "Where do these guys get off? They spray paint stuff on public walls." Hmf. Still, it was an entertaining movie which I enjoyed.

Mayor of Sunset Strip (2003): A documentary about Rodney Bingenheimer, a nebbish little guy who was given that honorific title for... well, I'm not sure. His primary activity seems to have been to curry favor with rock celebrities. Sunset Strip was one of my haunts in the 1970's as it was the way to the Tower Records located there. We used to pass by Bingenheimer's club, which appeared to be a popular place. Which is to say, in the 1970's, that it attracted a lot of oddballs and people who probably didn't get enough love and attention when they were children. Anyway, I quit this movie after about 45 minutes (half-way through) when it was obvious that the filmmaker was spending way more time on his subject than the subject merited. I gave up at one especially colossal dull point, when the interviewer asked what Bingenheimer thought of the project. Bingenheimer muttered something inarticulate and I went for the Netflix "Back to Browsing" button.

My next subject was ill-advised. It was Confessions of a Superhero (2007), about the panhandlers who dress up in Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Hulk and Spider-Man costumes and loiter about the Mann's (formerly, and more famously, Grauman's) Chinese Theater in Hollywood, hoping to pose for photographs for tourists. And therein lies a tale...

In 2004 I wanted to go to my 30th high school reunion in Burbank, and so we planned a family vacation out to California. It was me, my wife and two daughters; my son was away in Utah on a church mission. Naturally, we did some tourism, and one of the stops was Mann's Chinese Theater on Hollywood Blvd. The visit will forever be enshrined in family memory for two occurrences. The first was the passenger drop-off. I had planned to stop by the front of the attraction and drop my family off, and then find a parking space. Unfortunately, my older daughter, unaware that my younger daughter was exiting, flung the car door back on her head. Poor Meredith was crying loudly from the pain, and so she stayed in the car with me, sobbing all the while. I felt so sorry for her! So that was memory number one.

We found a parking space in a garage, and by then the pain had mostly subsided. Getting out, I noticed that we had parked next to a woman dressed as Wonder Woman and a guy dressed (not altogether convincingly) as Batman. "Hmmm," I thought, "Hollywood." Turned out these folks were, for the lack of a better term, the type of costumed panhandlers featured in the Confessions of a Superhero documentary I described above.

The management of Mann's Chinese Theater put up a sign on the street, worded to the effect that "The costumed people loitering about on the sidewalk have nothing to do with Mann's Chinese Theater," the implied message being, "We'd get rid of them if we could." As it turned out, Batman and Wonder Woman weren't all that bad compared to some of the really badly executed Spider-Men. The most notable character, however, was a pretty young woman dressed as Snow White - but a sexy Snow White, with long nylons and a short skirt. It looked like one of those adult costumes you find in a Halloween shop. As we were walking down Hollywood Blvd. behind her a breeze lifted her skirt and revealed a bottom clad in lacy underwear (alas, I missed it). "I didn't need to see that," was my oldest daughter's laconic comment. So, memory number two was "Ho White." And here she is, apparently delighting some young children (Ewww.)

I'm not normally a fan of Disney Corporation legal staff, but I think this is one time a company attorney with a cease-and-desist order might have been a good idea, mainly because I got the distinct impression that photographic services weren't all this gal was selling...

Anyway, back to the film. I gave up on this one after about 40 minutes, when it appeared that the Superman impressionist (the son of actress Sandy Dennis and a man in need of some visits to the gym in order to look credible in the costume) was the focal point of the production. Turns out he's obsessed with the Superman character, and the camera moves into his apartment, which is crammed to the rafters with Superman toys, advertising and posters. My Loser Alarm was fairly screaming at me.

He's far from the noble hero depicted in the comic books. At one point he's heard to shout at somebody on the street, "J---s C----t put on some clothes! Oh, wait, sorry, that's my x-ray vision again." Har-de-har har. Quite unseemly, I think. Last year the Los Angeles City Council voted to ban costumed characters from the front of the theater. I say good.


7 Jan 2011

I did something this morning I've been dreading all season: I stood on the bathroom scale. It told me that I gained .4 pounds during the holidays season. Less than half a pound isn't bad, considering that for much my time off I was a lumbering, restauranting, all-consuming food vacuum polishing off boxes of See's with gleeful abandon. I Have Become Gluttony, Destroyer of Baked Goods. But I am once again counting calories in order to lose weight for Meredith's wedding in June. I should be able to make good progress.

A fellow noirhead pointed out the all time best youtube film noir tribute video I have ever seen, here: The Endless Night: A Valentine to Film Noir. Watch this! I ask, how could anyone see this and not be intrigued with these films? If there's such a thing as an Oscar for Best Editing of a Youtube Short, this ought to get it. I even like the modern song that's used. I've seen all of these films, of course - the challenge is spitting out the names as quickly as they appear in the edits. It's hard to do since films noir have such easily forgettable colloquial titles...

I watched an excellent documentary about modern war last night, Restrepo (2010); it was suggested to me by my pard Chris, who also told me about the Culloden documentary I saw not long ago. It was recommended to him as a good depiction of actual modern warfare by a fellow who served in Iraq. This film is about a group of U.S. Army Airborne soldiers posted in Afghanistan's Korengal Valley, called the most dangerous posting in the military.

The film gets its name from Juan Restrepo, a much-loved platoon medic who was killed in action. You see him in a video in the opening of the film, playing around with his fellow soldiers as they are on their way to being deployed. Much of the film is set in the hilltop outpost that was built in honor of the man.

Restrepo combines actual combat footage - the cameraman was in a Humvee when an IED went off, and you see what that's like from inside the vehicle - with interviews conducted with the individual soldiers. Both are unforgettable.

My heart went out to PFC Miguel Cortez (shown above), an affable young man who related his stories to the camera wearing an almost constant smile. During the course of the interview, however, he admitted that he had problems with recurring nightmares that four different types of sleep medication couldn't make go away. When he let the smile drop it was apparent that, contrary to appearances, he was sometimes a haunted young man. Another soldier, while recounting his stories, let his mind wander for a moment and became tongue tied, staring off into space. The filmmakers properly edited these segments into the film, realizing how articulately they spoke of the effects of war.

The filmmakers' goal was commendable. They wrote, "The war in Afghanistan has become highly politicized, but soldiers rarely take part in that discussion. Our intention was to capture the experience of combat, boredom and fear through the eyes of the soldiers themselves." The film richly succeeds in this.

It's interesting that I happened to watch this work at the same time I finished reading Black Hawk Down, another work about modern warfare. In his 2010 afterword, the author, Mark Bowden, describes a review the book got from that arch journal of the Intellectual Left, The New Yorker. While the book was given a good review, the work was faulted for not having a "high style" and "black irony." Bowden went on to clarify that the absence of a high style was wholly intentional - he wrote in such a manner as to let the soldiers who took part in the action speak for themselves.

The absence of "black irony" provided Bowden with an illustrative theme. He correctly pointed out that the literature and films of the Vietnam and post Vietnam Era were almost universally filled with such black irony, and that it was a revealing voice of the author or filmmaker, and not necessarily reflective of the actual participants. In other words, since Vietnam until fairly recently, soldiers in combat were portrayed as dupes, fools, monsters or victims and not as the noble and self-sacrificing warriors they really are. The modern Intellectual Left, who came of age as I did during the Vietnam Era, were influenced heavily by the anti-war protests of the time and cannot think objectively about America's wars. While they are careful to provide lip service to "support the troops," they don't share or have the faintest understanding of the military virtues of shared sacrifice, duty and honor as exemplified by personnel in the modern armed services.

Bob Fawcett, a friend and fellow rugger (the fellow who lent me Black Hawk Down, in fact) made a realization along those lines. I once asked him if he ever watched M.A.S.H. on television. He grimaced. "What's wrong with M.A.S.H.?" I asked. "It's propagandist and is really about Vietnam, not Korea" he replied. And he's absolutely correct. When I thought about it I realized that the snarky, anti-military tone M.A.S.H. is famous for is really the voice of modern, post-Vietnam cynicism. I never really cared much for the show before; now I know why.

I think it's good that works like Black Hawk Down, Restrepo, We Were Soldiers Once and Young and, to a somewhat lesser extent, television's Tour of Duty exist. They paint a needed revisionist view of military combat life.

My next book, however, is a foray back into Vietnam criticism, albeit by an unimpeachable source. It's Col. David Hackworth's About Face, called the most important work of the Vietnam War. I shall read it and see for myself.

On Fridays I always write "Have a great weekend"; let's keep in mind the members of the armed services who make it possible for us... certainly, after seeing Restrepo, I will.


6 Jan 2011

Nuclear attack!

When I was a kindergartner at Micheltorena Elementary School in Los Angeles in the early Sixties I remember taking part in "duck and cover" drills. These involved an announcement coming over the loudspeaker and the teacher directing us to crouch under our desks. At some point we would have name tags pinned to our clothing; the schoolyard explanation was that this was in case our bodies were found, so we could be sent back to our parents. Then we were led out of the classrooms and gathered in some central place where the Principal congratulated us for being calm and orderly.

Well, of course we were calm and orderly! There was no flash blinding us and no 100+ mph flesh-blackening firestorm ripping though the classrooms, as depicted in the documentary I saw last night, The War Game (1965), the most thoroughly alarmist production I have ever seen in the genre I call Atomic Film Making. It was directed by Peter Watkins, who did the superlative Battle of Culloden (1964) I reviewed earlier this week.

There's nothing sparing in this: Blinded children cry, dazed and blackened Britons stare out with their blue eyes (something of a Watkins visual trademark), the Bobbies manhandle those who question authority, etc. At one point the grievously burned and injured are lined up on the street, where they're shot in the head and put out of their misery by the police. And woe be it to any civilian who refuses to take his part in the stacking and burning of bodies - they're also shot. And the penalty for looting? Well, can you guess? They're blindfolded, lined against a wall and shot. Her Majesty's Government isn't putting up with any nonsense in this production!

Significant quotes from ecclesiastic types are scrolled on the screen, which suggests that the Church embraces the eventuality of nuclear stockpiles - obviously, they'll be no help preventing the button from being pushed. One bearded academic with a suspiciously American dialect makes idiotic comments, and a voice intones, "The possibility exists that all this could happen as early as 1980." Clearly, this film is pushing an agenda, hard.

While I must admit that Watkins has a certain flair for depicting combat and confusion in a visually gritty way, the main problem with The War Game is that it is so unrelentingly over the top. When the Bobbies started shooting the charred wounded I had to laugh. To quote Oscar Wilde, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh at it. But, perhaps this is just my sangfroid from having lived in Ground Zero for the past 26 years, or having name tags pinned to my shirt as a child. Or perhaps I'm immune to Leftish scaremongering. Maybe I look forward to Carl Sagan's dreaded Nuclear Winter, I don't know. (Geez, Global Warming or Nuclear Winter - the Left seems to have arrived at the formula for scaring Americans: no more nice 72 degree days for you.)

Remember the Doomsday Clock? That superlative attempt to scare the hell out of the populace, which now includes climate change (of course)? Sometimes concerned scientists advance the minute hand towards Midnight, sometimes they back it away. I find it curious that the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis didn't cause the clock to advance towards midnight, but the 1980 presidential election of Ronald Reagan did. Hmmm. And what about those sabre-rattling North Korean Nuclear Nutjobs? Will this unnerve concerned scientists more than Republicans taking over the House of Representatives?

Perhaps I would have been better off watching the documentary I started but abandoned, A League of Ordinary Gentlemen (2004), about bowling. In it, the head of the current Professional Bowling Association decries the beer-swilling, working class, Midwest image that bowling has acquired. Gee, how unfair.

It wasn't always thus in America. If I had to identify one sport, athletic endeavor or hobby (not sure which one bowling would be) that receives more screen time in that coolest of film genres, film noir, than any other, it would be bowling. Amazon.com has a good list of such films. There used to be a funny web page entitled "Bowling Noir," featuring an altered image from The Big Combo showing Cornel Wilde holding a bowling ball...

I also know what the Official Beer of Film Noir is, too: Pabst Blue Ribbon. I see more PBR logos in those films than any other. (By the way, that logo hasn't changed appreciably in seventy years.) And in 1954's epic The Human Jungle, the final shootout takes place in a Pabst factory! How funny is that?


5 Jan 2011

As I mentioned yesterday I am working on a sonatina for piano; it isn't easy. Learning piano - at my age, anyway - is difficult. It takes time and effort; it's so much easier to just watch movies or read books when I get home from work. Anyway, learning music, like working out a math problem, is often a matter of looking for patterns. Playing the bass guitar is very much a matter of learning patterns, and when you are proceeding correctly it "feels" right. Hard to describe.

Learning to play the bass, by the way, is far easier than learning piano. To a great extent you can play by ear, which is a strength of mine. You can even get out of having to learn musical notation by using tablature. As a rather clunky sports comparison, playing the bass is kind of like playing second row in rugby. The instrument and the position are fairly easy for newcomers to learn. Once you learn the patterns it becomes a matter of fitting them to the situation at hand. Of course, this ignores the fact that there are superlative bass players and rugby second rows, and, as always, doing something with excellence is a matter of persistence, hard work and dedication.

Bass and rugby second row playing also share a likeness in that they are foundational positions. The basslines are usually the tonal basis for what the rest of the band is playing, and the second row is the engine room of the scrum, which is what produces playable ball for the attacking players.

I wonder: Am I the first writer to define a similarity between bass playing and the rugby second row position?

Getting back to the piano, last night I plowed a bit further into the piece past where I was stopping, and was delighted to discover that I was stopping short at a simple connecting passage, with the part after it being merely a repeat of something I had already begun to learn. As I learned this I had the interesting feeling come over me that I sometimes get when I play piano, that I am doing exactly what I should be doing and spending my time in the best and most productive and improvingly possible way. It's an odd notion, and I have never before felt it in the same way with anything else I have ever done. I suppose the process of putting together hand-eye-brain coordination when playing is lighting up some part of my brain that rarely gets lit. But it's more than a simple physical sensation... it's kind of spiritual. It's like arriving at an understanding of some long, wondered-about mystery.

I also noticed that in this piece I'm starting to get through passages where I don't have to think about the notes I'm playing - my figures just play them. I have felt this quite often in piano when I learn a piece, and I regard it as one of the great abilities that human beings have. It really is miraculous and rather amazing to experience.

I wonder if I'm possibly staving off senility and Alzheimer's Disease by learning the piano at my age...

Last night I watched a couple of episodes of Battlefield Britain. The Brits have a real flair for this sort of thing. This series, hosted by a father and son duo of historians, uses actual location shots, high-tech video, CGI and actors doing first person impressions (with, sadly, unconvincing modern intonation and phrasing) to convey the facts about battles which took place in Britain. Some of the sequences are enlightening. In one of last night's episodes, about the English versus the Welsh Uprising of Owen Glendower, they got a number of archers to fire for one minute into a rectangle which represented English troops. It produced an awesome killing and maiming zone. Do the math... 6,000 longbow archers firing an average of twelve shots per minute produces 72,000 strikes per minute! And, at Agincourt, these were bodkin-pointed arrows which could punch through plate armor. Whoa. That's some serious medieval technology.

The episode I really enjoyed, however, was on the Battle of Hastings in 1066, when Saxon England fell to Norman rule. The father pointed out something I already knew, that the battle didn't take place at Hastings. It actually was fought about six miles inland, at a place now called, fittingly enough, Battle. It could have just as easily been called the Battle of Bexhill, or Sedlescombe, or Catsfield (assuming those equally nearby places existed in 1066, of course.)

As a result of seeing this episode I now have a far better idea of what happened there. But it's still no substitute for actually walking the place. Before I depart this life I have to visit the site... it's a place I've been reading about ever since I was a teenager. In fact, one evening when I was fifteen or so I dreamed about it: I was a Saxon in Harold's Housecarls (his personal guard) knowing that we would all die there. I was marching along a dusty road with an axe at my shoulder. It was a very vivid dream and when I awoke to go to school that morning the thought occurred to me that perhaps I was becoming unhealthfully obsessed with the event!

But, until I do visit there's Battlefield Britain and Google Maps Satellite View, which is the next best thing...


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